I Could Feel You
by TriStateCopFan
Summary: Immediately post-Purgatory; B/A introspection


**A/N: Still don't own 'em. Thanks, Mr. Wolf, for not suing all of us FF writers.**

**This takes place on the evening immediately following the conclusion of _Purgatory_. **

**. . .I Could Feel You**

It had been a hell of an assignment. Two weeks undercover – once again putting himself in harm's way for the sake of justice and, this time, for the bigger prize: a last ditch effort at regaining his gold shield and sidearm. It seemed, for once, that the stars had finally aligned in Bobby's favor. A murder and drug dealing investigation practically dropped in his lap; a chance run-in with Copa that lead to an intervention and 'job' offer by Stoat and, perhaps the luckiest break of all – that it was Alex who burst through Tessdarosa's office door. She had been right when she ranted at him: If it had been another cop, God only knows that the outcome could've been far different. That one point she made was the only one he agreed with.

For right now, he held firm in his convictions. He still felt justified for not telling her about the operation and, no matter how sarcastically she had chided him about it, he was under a direct order from the Chief of D's not to disclose the operation to anyone.

He swirled the ice cubes around his tumbler –a generous four-finger pour of Glenlivit to celebrate being back on the job.

Her words, sarcastic and cold, resonated in his memory as he downed a gulp of the smooth golden liquid. "_I hope it was worth it, Detective_." Then she had stormed out the door.

_Didn't she get it? If I had told her and the Chief found out, that __would've__ been the end of it for me –no more chances. Couldn't she see? This __had__ been my one last chance to prove to the Chief that I'm not a 'crazy' renegade – I can follow orders and bow to authority and do my job as good as ever. Hell, I'll be the first to admit that I've bent the rules and bucked authority throughout my career_, he rationalized, _but I just __couldn't__ this time - the stakes were too damn high. _

Bobby let out a sigh of frustration. _If she could've just __understood__ – if she just could've accepted my apology, everything would've been all right. I never meant to hurt her feelings by excluding her. I'd never hurt her for anything! Sure, I'm happy to be back at work, but it would've been __perfect__ if she weren't pissed off at me and giving me the cold shoulder -God knows how long she can keep __that__ up with her stubborn Irish streak. _He had extended an olive branch, inviting her over to his place to talk things out; to share a pizza and a six pack like old times, but seven, eight and nine o'clock had come and gone and she hadn't shown up. _Fuck me_, he groaned as he realized the irony. _I'm __still__ in purgatory._

With another big gulp, Bobby finished off what remained in the glass. As he felt the warming effects of the liquor radiating through his throat and chest, he tilted his head back to relax, allowing the melancholy tune from his CD player to fill his ears and mind as he drifted off to sleep.

_How was I to know you wouldn't show?_

_I gave it all I could –it wasn't good enough_

_And I do care for my life_

_And I do swear that I'll survive_

_Just when I thought it was ending, I could feel you_

_Just when I thought it was ending, I could feel you_

_It's just a matter of time – and only time will heal you_

_Just when I thought it was ending, I could feel you_

_It was meant to last_

_And then it disappeared_

_Just like a photograph of losing innocence_

_I did not mean to hurt you so_

_That was the last thing in my mind I'd ever do_

_Just when I thought it was ending, I could feel you_

_How ever can I make amends to, and heal you?_

_It's just a matter of time, and only time is a great healer_

_Just when I thought it was ending, I could feel you._

X X X

Half an hour earlier, Alex's car had pulled up and parked outside Bobby' house. She'd been sitting there – thinking – staring at the thin rays of light that shone through the slats of the window blinds. She hadn't seen any movement – any silhouette of him since she'd arrived but she knew he was in there. His Mustang was parked in the driveway.

Her heart and mind played their usual game of tug 'o war. With her heart, she had felt a compelling force to drive there; she wanted to talk things out and make things right. She wanted to let him know how truly happy she was that he'd gotten his job back -and then her mind – her Irish stubborn streak pulled back the reins. _I gave him a piece of my mind, all right – and he deserved every bit of it! Keeping __me__ out of the loop after all the times I've covered his ass!_

And, just as quickly as her ire had risen, it ebbed. She realized she had said things out of anger – things she really didn't mean or believe, and she wanted to apologize for that. She really didn't believe that all of Bobby's wounds were self inflicted. Quite to the contrary, she knew that he was as much a victim as anyone else. He was a victim of fate, of circumstance, of parentage –even a victim of his own soft-hearted nature –wanting to help Donnie – a nephew he never even knew existed – which led to his suspension. She was just as confused as him – maybe more so. Part of her wanted to hug him and another wanted to wring his neck, so she decided on what would be, for her, a tolerable medium. She wouldn't ring his doorbell and let him off the hook that easily. The 'mean streak' in her liked the thought of making his squirm for just one more night. She knew it wasn't nice of her, but it was the way she was honestly feeling– and she'd gone with her gut feelings all her life. After jotting a note, she walked up the sidewalk to Bobby's steps and placed the note half hanging out of his mailbox so he'd be sure to see it in the morning when he left for work. Satisfied, she got back in her car and drove home.

X X X

A few minutes earlier something had roused Bobby from his sleep. It wasn't a loud noise or one of his usual nightmares – it was more like a feeling - a feeling of being watched, or sensing a presence. He blinked the sleep from his eyes and scanned the room. Nothing. But, still, he felt something.

He carried his empty glass to the kitchen, placed it in the sink and headed back to the living room to catch the 10 o'clock news. Passing by the front window, Bobby peeked through the blinds to check on his car in the driveway. His street was quiet –as usual–at this time of night. And then he saw the yellow note paper hanging out of his mailbox. _That definitely wasn't there when I got home_ he thought to himself as he went to the front door. As soon as he retrieved the paper he recognized the handwriting: "_Bobby."_

He smiled as he unfolded the paper, taking a seat on the couch. _I __knew__ I felt something…it was her…she was here._ He began to read:

"_Dear Bobby,_

_I stopped by but then decided not to bother you. I'm tired and don't have the energy to talk things over tonight. I know you'll understand 'cause you must be exhausted, too. …Just wanted to say, "welcome back!" …and since you are back, don't forget my coffee and raspberry/cheese Danish in the morning. See you then!_

_Love,_

_Alex_

_P.S. I'll take a rain check for the pizza and beer on Friday night."_

Bobby smiled as he refolded the note and placed it on the coffee table. He got up and walked to the entertainment center but, instead of turning on the TV, he pressed the 'play' button on his CD player.

…_just when I thought it was ending, I could feel you…_

He relaxed back on the couch. _Tomorrow's gonna be a good day._

_**THE END**_

Music/Lyrics: Andy Bell and Vince Clark (Otherwise known as the musical excellence that is Erasure. Give it a listen!)

Album: Tomorrow's World (2011)

Song: Just When I thought it Was Ending


End file.
